I’ve never been big on labels and the few times I’ve used them they felt constrictive and inconclusive. I was the first person in my family born in the U.S. and while I always felt like I was missing something not living near more raza I had no trouble “fitting” in to my predominantly white neighborhoods (although I can argue I never felt like I belonged, but that’s another story). Furthermore while I don’t usually feel the need to point out my mexicanidad I’ve always felt comfortable embracing the language, customs and culture my parents instilled in me.

It wasn’t until I moved to Puerto Rico that I truly began to comprehend how much my culture, or how you say my “roots identity,” is an integral part of who I am. It gets tricky because now that I’m away, I’ve come to realize how American I really am and how much I really do identify with the Mexican and Chicano cultures yet I know now more than ever that its a blending of the two that make up my true heritage.

I remember when I first started struggling with identity and where I fit in. My first attempt was at Jewishness. I started reading a bit about Jewish history, wanted to enroll myself in Hebrew school, have a bar mitsvah etc. It always felt somewhat contrived though, and when I hung out with other Jewish kids I knew that I didn’t quite fit in. Growing up I had gone to black gospel churches more than I had gone to Temple, I didn’t know about all the rituals, and as I was informed when I was 12 by this Israeli kid I knew, I wasn’t even Jewish because my mom isn’t Jewish (that was something new to me).

After that I didn’t really know what I was. When I moved to Tennessee at 13 I became Californian (I remember buying a Bilabong shirt before I moved to Tennessee even though I didn’t surf). But when I went back to California that didn’t mean much anymore.

I remember in highschool envying the chicano, black, and asian kids because I felt like they had something to grab onto that I didn’t.

I may have never been rejected by American society (except when I moved to Tennessee), but I never really felt part of it, or I never felt that how its so often defined really meant much to me or was broad enough for me. I grew up listening to African music, bluegrass, and gospel to name a few, and I consider that part of my identity. I speak Spanish and while I didn’t grow up speaking it, it is part of my identity. I’m not Chicano or Mexican, but both of those create part of my identity. I speak Portuguese and while I’m not Brazilian the language and culture are definately part of my identity. I was born in the States, but I am likely to have more to talk about with some kid from DF or Rio than some kid from Idaho. I’m not ashamed of where I’m from, but half of the time I dont’ even know how to answer that question because I didn’t grow up in one place.

What I’ve realized is that identity in its traditional sense has never worked for me. My identity isn’t what it was when i was 12, and it isn’t what it was when I was 21, my identity keeps on changing, each place I go, each person I meet, and each language I learn adds to my identity and expands who I am.

I wrote a paper on Hip Hop in Senegal once and found a quote from a rapper responding to the cultural imperialism criticism. He went off about why should he define himself by some “traditional” culture that didn’t have much to say about his reality living in the hood in Dakar, and that he picked what worked for him from what was available.

I don’t think identity issues like these are something uniquely American.

Alex and I have been talking a lot about this lately…I love the discussion.
Beijos y abrazos

Oso, I always struggle to talk about cultural issues when deep down I despise the labels. For me, definitions for culture are like leaky containers; if you leave them on the shelf for a while, they wind up empty, and you have to put other leaky containers below to catch what drains out, and on and on. Which makes your question even harder to answer. I assume an individual’s choice to either claim or disavow a particular cultural heritage fulfills an emotional and/or social need for sub-culture or acceptance. I’m more curious about the forces that give rise to either ‘cultural bubble.’ To assimilate or not to assimilate, that is the U.S. American question.

Identity is invigoratingly complex.

My unspecified Mexican-American title is deliberate. Being a Mexican-American is a fraction of my identity. My ideals belong to those of the global citizen.

My story is typical. I’m a first generation American. However, i’m also a first generation citizen of the world. If I access my Mexican heritage, I must accept the addition of the Spanish & Moorish lineage in my history.

Like Cindy, I was confused when I was younger. I actually thought until 2nd grade that everyone spoke two languages. I didn’t know that people didn’t eat albondigas for dinner.

However, at an early age I realized that my identity wasn’t confined to ethnic boundaries. I realized my identity was directly linked to the music I listened to, the movies I watched, the books I read, etc. And at a certain stage, The Doors, Fellini, & Neruda became my identity.

Also, I did rebel against the idea of accepting titles. When I was in high school, I grew to disapprove of people calling me a Chicano, or a Latino, because there wasn’t anything there that could substantially define me. I strictly began to despise “La Raza” sentiments, and increasingly began to denounce what I thought was segregational propoganda. I was still an avid activist in those days though. I participated in protests, side by side with Chicano groups, fighting for the EZLN, trying to free Mumia. Revolution is always a great source of unity.

It wasn’t until I actually started listening to Manu Chao, while simultaneously crackin my skull with Sartre, around the age of 18, that I realized what I was: a citizen of the world. I solidified my ideals by indulging in a sort of intellectual & cultural vagabondism at that time.

I’m definitely proud of my links to Mexico. Yet, links to Moorish folklore, as well as Spanish history are just as strong. I could go on with this one Oso. It’s a topic that I would love to discuss with tons of people that write through here. I know Revaz, Noah, you & I could go on for days. Ironically though, throughout the last few years, I’ve been told i’m not “Mexican enough” and I’m not “American enough”: I have to say that i’m thoroughly proud of that too. ciao tio…

(In words of “la pelota de letras” it would be: deje así, pa’ qué se puso! -you know, our new mantra )

The very important thing in this world is to be a good person. The rest is up to you

Besos!

But the last grain of catalyst was hearing tons against Mexicans as the anti-immigration meme began growing in the USA…I realized I had been stripped of my culture, and yet still identified very strongly with it. So I set upon a journey to regain it. Perhaps this still doesn’t answer your Why. It works for me, though. Until it changes!

Your post really changes gear at the end….i like both topics but felt waylaid, as if the first topic hadn’t resolved itself. But maybe that was just me wanting to read more on it!