I spoke out of the darkness and felt the immediate acceptance in her calm silence. “Tomorrow, we’re getting an air conditioner,” I said. And then, as if it were already cooler, we fell asleep.

The next day, we went to Home Depot, picked out a tasty unit, and I stuck it in a cart, and wheeled it out to the street, kept wheeling the cart down the road and all the way to the subway, where I hefted it over my shoulder and carried up two flights of stairs, dripping sweat. Everyone on the train looked at me, some with envy. They knew we were going home to be cooooool.

It was hard. I had to carry it blocks to our little brooklyn apartment, and I had to rest once or twice. And I was covered in sweat. Finally, I got it there and installed it.

We sat around for like an hour or two just talking about how much we loved being cool. It was comical. We would just lie there, stretched out on the couch and be like “I am SO comfortable. This is SO great.”

I gotta say…I know they are evil. But nothing calms your peace of mind like lowering the temperature a few degrees. It’s like emptying your bladder when you are squirming. It amazes you how much calmer your mind gets, and the joy that settles through your frame is a primitive but undeniable one!

By “bizarre” I meant stupid and hypocritical. I figured I’d try on diplomacy for a post.

Xolo,

Traveling through Oregon, all the gas station bathrooms had “love kit dispensers.” Mostly they were condoms but there was also “Men’s climax control cream” and the “oriental excitement ring” (who knew!). I can’t help but wonder if the climax control cream is really just tabasco sauce.

Dude, now I feel like everytime I drive with my windows down, it’s a quick ticket to hell.

Chris,

That’s so funny … if you woulda yelled out “coo-koooo!!” I surely would have heard you, headphones or not. Yeah, even after I bought the SUV (to be sold in a week, any buyers?), I still only cruised around on my bicycle. Cars suck.

Brenda and Irasali,

The other day I was stuck at my homie Sparsh’s house unable to sleep and with nothing to read. So I pick up his New Yorker to, you know, look at the advertisements. And there’s this Chevron ad that tells me that 50% of US energy consumption comes from heating while only about 9% comes from cooling. Ah, what relief! I never use a heater. Never ever. My karma is restored.

Maestra,

I do drugs sometimes too. We all do.

All summer long, From April till November, we here in Texas are dealin’ with borderline triple-digit temperatures and humidity you could cut with a butter knife on a cloudy day. ‘Whoanelly.

Do you know how many Midwesterners are starving for sun, pale and ill -looking because they don’t get heat like this? It’s a tragedy.

You ought’s to be grateful.

When something is bugging me, it does show up in my dreams. For a while I kept running in to my ex-roommate in my dreams. That was enough to leave me in a weird mood for the rest of the day. I’ve had dreams that have come true which creeps me out.

2. I don’t have a fan or air conditioning in my apartment. I’m trying to flex my power. Not really, I’m just too cheap to get a fan and too lazy to clean my room for somewhere to place the fan. I do get very annoyed when people turn on a light in a room when they could easily just open the blinds and let natural sunlight pour in. That came from my mom who was always annoyed when we left televisions or lights turned on in empty rooms.

The heat sucks, but I survive. I figure California is already over-populated and maybe the heat, occasional earthquakes and other things will make some people leave.

3. I’ll drink a Mexican Coke just for you while I’m Guanajuato later this week. I don’t think I’ll be able to tell the difference between that and US Coke since I rarely drink the latter.

Oh yeah, welcome to the dark side. We embrace you with open arms.