but you’re probably write, it’s probably just a fad.

Personally, my reason for not blogging is that i’m too busy living life to write about it. . .or read about it. I feel guilty though, for not writing or reading. . don’t worry, the guilt will pass.

Somos parte de una siembra que no puedes imaginar / Somos fruto de semillas del mismo lugar / Cultivadas con la misma mano / Siempre regadas con mucho cuidado / Compartiendo vida, compartiendo muerte / Estamos en la tierra y hoy es el presente… — Fermin IV

I started blogging at a time when I wasn’t feeling so connected with anything. I spent much of my time wondering how inadequate I was in balancing my two cultures, my two languages—donde esta mi gente? How come when I look around me, I don’t see any friends of color? How come when I look in the mirror, I don’t smile. Why am I so unhappy? These are questions I started asking myself and observing, writing, jotting down ruminations in hope of finding answers. Little did I know that I found a community that opened my eyes to want more, to see more, to be more.

My formal background is in literature, criticism, and creative writing. I angled my thoughts on my blog, El Mas Chingon, this way. I developed a persona, and explored my life through this lense, through this periphery. I didn’t like what I found. I discovered that the more I wrote about myself, the more that I found out how unhappy I was. But also, the more that I wrote, the more people responded!

To me, this was a double-edged sword: I write, and I find my voice, I find who I am, I find people who like me for me, but for the price of what—my health, my happiness?

Os, you may say, “Lighten up, amigo, it’s only a blog.” But for me, well, I was playing with fire. So, I stepped away.

I talk with Cindylu now and she tells me about her presentations about Blogotitlan, and I can’t help to think this is one of the most incredible and most fantastic things that someone could do for our youth. Because ultimately, it’s not that blog is a fad, it’s a tool that could be used to express our voices, to become someone, to explore ourselves by putting ourselves outside of who we are and sharing it with others. The blog format has the ability to do what literature, what books, have done for years: move and change people.

There’s was a recent article in the Austin Chroncile about a local non-profit who’s helping our gente become prominent activists, stronger leaders. And I can’t help but think that Cindylu should visit town and teach these kids. And then I think, but I can do this too. I can show how our raza is uniting through our experiences, our lives, and becoming more.

So, you played with fire, Cesar, that’s nice, but where’s your blog?

It’s no more. It might come back, but right now I’m uncertain.

I honestly think that it’s not that people have realized that what they have to say is not important, but everyone has their own method or venue of expressing who they are, and giving back to the communidad. It’s our way of “doing and saying interesting things”. For some it’s public office, activism, journalism, law, medical school, even education.

For me, at least right now, my palabras—my essays—have returned back to my journal in hopes that all of you will see them again soon… In the meantime, I’m happy to know that I got several homies in California (“This is why you should move to Californa!” me dice HP.), or Puerto Rico (“You know we should start a running team!” me dice PLT), or even Chicago (where I hope to read from a future book at Chanclita’s bookstore).

Bottom line, Os: We must remain unidos.

I still waiting to write in GV. Be cool!