Posted 2 years, 6 months ago in the early afternoon by oso
You know what I really miss? Pimples. Not just little shiny red bumps or blackheads, or those wiggly white worms, but realy deep, powerful pits of puss and grease. Why don’t I ever get those any more? They’re so satisfying. Nothing, in fact, is more satisfying than finding a faultlessly ripe pimple, pinching it just perfectly between the thumb and index finger and watching mother nature in all her glorious form and function as gravy and grease erupt and ejaculate all over your shoulder, back, forehead, whatever.
That’s also the second greatest thing about long term relationships, not only do you get the pleasure of your own carbuncles, but your mate’s pustules become your own playground of pleasure. Please, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you haven’t been in a real long term relationship.
When I was 19 I started dating a 26-year-old. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary at the time, but now that I’m nearly 26 myself, it would be hard to picture myself with a teenager. Regardless, the relationship was a good learning experience. Maybe that sounds cheap or self-centered, but it’s true. She was the one who first introduced me to Kundera. And she was also the one to reveal to me the sublime captivation that is popping the pimples of your partner. In fact, I remember the first time. She had been trying to get me to watch Shakespeare in Love with her forever. So after a long double shift I went over to her place around midnight, started the movie, and fell asleep about 10 minutes into it. 15 minutes later I woke up with two crab-like pinchers digging into my back. “You better get used to this” she said. I don’t think I had ever been more frightened in my life.
Speaking of Kundera - my dearest soul mate - a quote, or two:
If I were asked the most common cause of misunderstanding between my readers and me, I would not hesitate: humor.
Humor: the divine flash that reveals the world in its moral ambiguity and man in his profound incompetence to judge others; humor: the intoxicating relativity of human things; the strange pleasure that comes of the certainty that there is no certainty.
But humor, to recall Octavio Paz, is “the great invention of the modern spirit.” It has not been with us forever, and it won’t be with us forever either.
With a heavy heart, I imagine the day when Panurge no longer makes people laugh.
Amen brutha, amen.
I sometimes get emails about the items I link to using del.icio.us. ‘Don’t you understand,’ they tell me, ‘that you are promoting the oversexualization of gays?’ Or, ’sure it’s easy for you to laugh at a deranged dictator, but you are also mocking all the victims of his unjust policies.’ I have no words to respond to such accusations, but, with a hearty grin from cheek to cheek, I point one of my teenage, puss-filled pimples their way and squirt my detractors in the eye.
I have already written at length that nothing is more holy in my world than Humor. If I were stuck on the ledge of a cliff facing eminent death, I would still be cracking jokes. And their intention would still be misunderstood.
With shameful resignation and a glass of fruity red wine each, Sparsh and I agreed last night that we were too ambitioius in our goal of a new podcast every week. To ensure that we keep making the Friday 10, and more importantly, to make sure that we keep enjoying it, The Friday 10 shall, from now on, be called the Every Other Friday 10.
Speaking of flawed ambition, I have yet to write the third post in the Transparency and Equality series. The reason why is that, fingers crossed, it will be the last post about politics I ever write. You know, one of those, “it all boils down to this” type posts. And so I want to get it right … which hasn’t happened yet.
May I end with one more Kundera quote? Just one?
The removal of gods from the world is one of the phenomena that characterize the Modern Era. The removal of gods does not mean atheism, it denotes the situation in which the individual, the thinking ego, supplants God as the basis for all things; man may continue to keep his faith, to kneel in church, to pray at his bed, but his piety shall henceforward pertain only to his subjective universe. Having described this situation, Heidegger concludes: “And thus the gods eventually departed. The resulting void is filled by the historical and psychological exploration of myths.
The historical and psychological exploration of myths, of sacred texts means: rendering them profane, profaning them. “Profane” comes from the Latin profanum: the place in front of the temple, outside the temple. Profanation is thus the removal of the sacred out of the temple, to a sphere outside religion. Insofar as laughter invisibly pervades the air of the novel, profanation by novel is the worst there is. For religion and humor are incompatible.
Mensa!
Since you still have HP around, I’m sure you’ll never run out of things to laught at.
I never had to pop a pimple, but in my last relationship, I had to do something pretty gross. While I was doing it he said, “I would try to get spider eggs out of your skin too!” How romantic.
The first paragraph was nasty. The second paragraph is very true, I have been there…And the third paragraph sounds revealing, very interesting
Have a wonderful weekend my friend!
M
pimple popping in relationships. that’s great but i guess only you would be brave enough. there’s nothing like impressing your partner by scavenging for the grand prize (aka the mother of all blackheads) and then showing them what you pulled out. the oh wow or holy fuck is so satisfying. i know, gross. have i said too much?
Hahah, nice post. I’m indifferent on the whole monkey grooming thing, but my other half sure isn’t.
So I guess S and I are not weird after all. If I pop one of her zits she has to see it to see if it was worth me scarring her face. If it’s not good enough then I get punched in the arm.
Did cindy just imply that you and HP pop each other’s zits?
Oh yuck! I am glad I didn’t eat first before reading this!
As for Gustavo’s comment, is that what y’all were doing together on the couch/bed when that FLICKR photo was snapped?
Have a good weekend Sr. Oso.
What sparked this in your mind for a blog? im just curious because not many people would be so bold to admit this type of information.
my sister is a pimple popping lover. she can’t wait for me to come so she can scan my back looking for something to squeeze. she’s so sad when there is nothing there. it grosses me out so bad but it makes her so happy. it’s the least i can do…..
And I thought I have read it all. Pimple popping?? I don’t feel so good right now. LOL
I used to love popping pimples on my partner……I would get the cotton balls, the alcohol and a clean needle and perform ’surgery’. Nothing is more satisfying sometimes in helping your partner look his best. haha.
I will keep in mind not to have a full stomach before reading an entry here.
i keep trying to read the whole post but i can’t get past the greasy pimple popping description. i think reading that is like experiencing post traumatic stress disorder from teenagehood.
I loved that description. True to life. Word.
Cindylu,
They’d never let me in Mensa, but I wear my menso hat with pride. Spider eggs? Where are the pictures?
Irasali,
You are so right.
Melissa,
If pimples are really so nasty, then why do we enjoy them so much?
Chris,
Do monkey’s get pimples? I’d pay hundreds of dollars to pop an ape zit.
Gustavo,
A memory: Laura used to call them pornocos, as in “por no coger.” The theory was, I assume, that if you don’t have sex regularly then a certain amount of bodily fluid will express itself as pimples. I love that theory … and I try to convince women of it regularly, but they just don’t listen.
Kelly & Logtar,
Agreed, as a general rule it’s better not to eat before stopping by here. You are both fortunate that you arrived after my poop-talk phase.
Yolanda,
One of my favorite writers is Henry Miller. He was popular (and censored) 70 years ago for the same reasons that he is popular today: he wrote what we all think daily, but are never bold enough or accustomed enough to voice. He writes about sex as it is: dirty and beautiful. He writes about the body as it is: majestic and putrid. And most importantly, he did it not to be sensationalist, but because that’s just how he saw the world and I don’t think he ever understood how anyone else could see it any other way.
I decided to write this post for the same reason I decide to write any post: se me ocurrió.
Leah,
My sister and I are close, but we’ve never crossed the pimple-pinching threshold and I dearly hope that we never do. It is good that you bring her pleasure.
Julissa,
Just pop a few, let the pressure off, and you’ll feel great.
DD,
Needle? Haha, you’re barbaric. I wouldn’t let you near me or you would probably try to attack my poor innocent freckels.
Myke,
In Siberia they dunk infants into freezing lakes to prepare them for their shitty lives to come. In America, acne is god’s way of making teenagers realize that life is miserable … so they might as well enjoy it anyway.
Patri,
I thank you.
I don’t know what’s wrong with you Americans and all your pimple-popping depravity. I’ve had several healthy relationships and the topic of mutual pustule removal never came up once.
It’s not that we don’t get them, either; contrary to the popular belief that Canadians are immune to acne.
I suppose it is a little dissapointing as we get older and our oil-producing hormones learn to regulate themselves. There are always scabs to be picked though. Ma’ lady seemed to get a lot of satisfaction from ripping solitary back hairs from their roots and watching me wince as well.
I’m with you on the humor–it’s one of the most powerful forces in the universe. The ability to laugh at one’s self and make others laugh is one of the most important traits a human can have–to be around people who can unexpectedly and consistently make me laugh is bliss.
I was afriad to click on the Kundera link out of fear that it was some kind of sexual position…good thing I kept on reading.
I thought I was going to have to say that I learned the Kundera position from you.