Posted 2 years, 6 months ago mid-afternoon by oso
“You have dee jecko museek?”
“The jecko music? Um, I don’t know what that is.”
“You do not know, but how is this?” OK, so I’m making him sound French. But I think he was Bulgarian. Pretty sure really. Because of where I work - the location, not the occupation - I am a master at detecting accents. Not just detecting them, but locating them, down to the city or province. He goes on, in utter astonishment that I’m not familiar with jecko: “bud eveeryuhwun knows dee jecko museek. My daughter, she love duh dance do duh jecko music. You know, duh clubs, do do do do do do …”
And he starts bouncing his head. He’s wearing sunglasses. Otherwise, all denim. It’s 9 p.m.
“Oh, haha, you mean techno music …”
“Yes, dis what I say, dee jecko museek.”
“Right, um, no, you know what, we don’t have any techno here. Sorry. I’d dance with you guys if we did.”
He seems to like this comment. A lot. He gives me a thumbs up, and bobs his head up and down all the way back to his table and gang of Bulgarian families on holiday.
So, I moved. Well, we moved. My sister and I. The mother continues to float in and out of life, but Booger and I are now firmly put in Hillcrest. Hillcrest has quite the reputation in San Diego. I am, you see, one of ten men who live in Hillcrest, but don’t sleep with other men.
Leopard J. Ferry, despite his surname, is one of the other nine. He is on target when he writes;
It occurred to me after I left the café that I was running headlong into a phenomenon that people had only joked about: the closeted heterosexual. The gays in Hillcrest are out and proud. The straights are in and silent. There seemed to be a don’t ask, don’t tell policy for hets in Hillcrest.
Thing is, I am homophobic. Much less so than your typical American male. My guy friends and I hug each other. We say we love each other. And some of my Argentine guy friends and I even smooch on the cheeks. But my homophobia occurred to me one day when I was reading the del.icio.us links of my homie Seyd.
He bookmarked the same article that I did. I think Jennifer was the one who actually emailed it to me. It was a piece from 20minutos.es entitled, “What’s Semen Taste Like.” I highly recommend the article to all Spanish speakers. In it you will learn, not to mention the “fundamental rules of anal sex,” what are the best places to practice “pseudo-coitus.” (including the armpit!!)
But getting back on track, Seyd’s comment on the bookmark was, “It tastes salty, that’s all I am saying.”
And my reaction - apologies in advance - was, god damn, that’s nasty. But then I start to thinking … if it were a girl who wrote that, I would probably write an introductory email. You know, “hi, I’m oso, I saw that you read about semen in Spanish and I read about semen in Spanish and maybe we should meet.” But if a guy writes it, my gut reaction is “nasty.”
I blame society of course, as any good liberal would, but I’d like to say to Seyd, thanks. Thanks for being open about your sexuality and for making me confront my own discriminations.
I’ll definitely have to check out that article Oso.
I myself was a “closet heterosexual” when I lived in WeHo for a year. It was my last year at UCLA and my buddy Josh and I decided that we needed to get out of the Westwood-frat-clutter, so we found this amazing spot on San Vicente Blvd, in between Sunset Blvd & Santa Monica Blvd.
On one end of San Vicente, you could get an every night dose of hard-rock metal head bangin’ at the Viper Room or The Whiskey, and on the South end you could parley at every notable gay club on Santa Monica Blvd. It was a dynamic juxtaposition to say the least, and it was until I lived there that I began to recognize what I could tolerate, but more what I would tolerate.
You see, my roommates and I were one of three apartments in the 20+ complex who were heterosexual, and seeing grown men in tighty-whiteys, strolling to get their laundry was something I never grew comfortable with, but I never criticized anyone. My homosexual neighbors, (men and women), were really great. Actually, I met a lot of gorgeous women at some parties in our complex. haha.
I commend your honesty though. But I wonder, what do we as a society consider homophobia? Does my squirming at my gay friends detailed sex life make me homophobic? From your remark, I don’t know if I’d consider you homophobic, but then again I don’t know your views in detail. My only time at a gay bar, a guy patted my butt, and all the girls I went with let out a “wooooooo” after. I haven’t been to a gay bar since. hahahaha. ciao tio.
© Citoyen du Monde Inc. 2006™
Voy a escribir en español porque dios no quiera que alguno de mis clientes vea que estoy comentando sobre un post que habla de cómo sabe el semen. Sí, fuí yo, soy la culpable. Y cualquiera que quiere saber más sobre el sexo extraño debe dedicarle unos 5 minutos a 20minutos.es cada día, porque ahí tienen una obsesión enfermiza con estas cosas.
Siento tener que decírtelo, pero homófobo no eres. Si las cosas fueran como tú dices, si el hecho de que pensar en probar el semen te provoca asco te hace homófobo, entonces muchas mujeres serían lesbianas. You know what I´m saying? Hay muchas mujeres heterosexuales que tienen esa misma reacción.
Since you’re confronting your homphobia, does this mean you’re going to proudly wear that me encantas las bananas tshirt?
I’m so sad that you no longer live on Playa Ave by the beach. I’ll still visit.
WTF, you moved out of your ocean view pad to a spot in Hillcrest?!?! No mames!!!
Well, atleast you’ll be around a lot of great restaurants, another thing hillcrest is known for.
Oh yeah, and as far as your specific discrimination goes, I share it wholeheartedly and that is one discrimination I am not going to work on removing…:-)
I have to second what Alejandro says - no, your reaction isn’t enough to earn you the title of “homophobe”. Just because you’re accepting and understanding about other people’s preferences - sexual or otherwise - doesn’t mean that you have to adapt to them as well.
If instead of your male friend, someone else had written the comment - say a 90+ year old great-grandmother you know. Would your reaction still be “Hey, let me write her?” Probably not - I know I’d be more of the “nasty” camp.
Does that makes us gerontophobic?
Hilarious..the article..and your reactions. Interesting reading though. It is normal for you to feel somewhat homophobic…when all you like is feminine. Not to say you’re feminine…woman are the best option for you is what I’m saying..maybe I should just stop typing. What I mean is not what I’m typing. It’s a bad day for me. sorry
the whole armpit idea has me baffled. i keep visualizing it and can’t figure out how it would be sexy, romantic or in any way appealing. it seems just plain awkward. but perhaps i’m just being naive.
it is salty. and musky to varying degrees depending on the guy and what they eat on a regular basis. also, alcohol passes its taste along. i can’t read spanish well enough to read the article but if someone wants to paraphrase, i’d be interested.
Steven nailed it - the nasty-cringe is probably more about (sexual) attraction than tollerance. People are much more interested in talking about sex when they can mentally place themselves in it.
Congrats on the move. Watch out for the cars - parts of HC can be horrible for bikers. Sidenote: Sometimes we see a bunch of cyclists (50ish) doing night rides on the streets, not sure who they are, but it looks fun. Let me know if you infiltrate this group..
If you were completely homophobic, you wouldn’t hug your friends or tell them you love them. You wouldn’t sit next to them at a restaraunt. You wouldn’t even sit next to them if you went to watch a film (a foreign film,even). It’s slight homopobia. It’s the lack of not knowing. I’ve been around many gay men [and lesbian women] in Austin, and I’ve worked with them too, and they’re just like you and me. If you don’t believe me, read David Sedaris. That’ll put things in perspective.
I don’t think Seyd has seen this entry yet, since he hasn’t responded.
Oso, When I first read the comment (I was skimming the last paragraph) I thought you were picking a guy up! LMAO.
ME ENCANTAN LAS BANANAS!!!!!!!! That’s totally what I was thinking as I was reading this too. Strut your stuff homie.
So I’m scrolling down after reading your post in search of Seyd’s comment. He has yet to comment. . .
I think we all have similar fears. I have this one gay friend who the very thought of going downtown on a girl makes him squirm. I remember I asked him if he had ever been with a girl and I guess he got an instant visual and almost gagged. I couldn’t help but laugh. Just like your entry made me laugh. Yes, lets blame society. I was hit by a girl once and I freaked out so bad it wasn’t even funny. .well then, now it is.
Oso,
If you had been truly homophobic you never would have moved to Hillcrest. I know that I’ve been away from Diego for a while, but last time I checked Hillcrest was still the land of Oz. Besides this move is gonna do wonders for you selfesteem! You’re a hottie! Get ready for the catcalls! And as to Seyd answer, I agree. I will add that it’s texture and taste is a lot like a loogie.
Tan Tan!
Fina.
interestingly enough, while you were writing this post i was eating dinner with friends and discussing felching. We asked the waiter if he knew what felching was and he said “you mean whitewashing? yea i do that.” check please.
que onda bola de gringos!!
ntc… jeje.. .como estas David? Espero que muy bien, Tanto tiempo sin leerte.
Sigue posteando asi como lo haces
Estoy totalmente de acuerdo contigo Jennifer!
Came up with what I think is a pretty clever meme… come out and play! maybe all 3 of you can do it and then we can guess who is who… that would be interesting.
Poor Seyd. If and when he reads this, I can picture him shaking his head thinking, look at all the sympathy this white, male homophobe gets.
I can’t believe I’m having to defend my own homophobia here, you guys are relentless. Sparky and I were talking about this the other day on the way to the supermarket where he buys his $20 olives and $30 fancy cheese. He agreed with Chris and Steven and would not stop asking me if I would like to go down on an 80-year-old woman.
I understand this argument. But that’s not where my reaction came from. It wasn’t me thinking, “hmm, personally, I wouldn’t want to taste sperm.” Most girls probably also think that.
No, this was a gut reaction of “gay is bad.” Or at least, gay sexuality is bad … or somehow, wrong, which of course it isn’t.
Or take, for example, a recent trip to Las Vegas with 5 or 6 very hetero guys, a group of het girls and one gay guy. Over and over again someone would say, “dude, that’s so gay.” Then an awkward silence and then sometimes, ridiculously, “but not that gay is bad.”
These guys aren’t homophobic, not at all. And I don’t really believe that I am either. But maybe I’m not anti-homophobic enough.
Alejandro,
“WeHo”? Is that for real?
Jen,
Ya sé. Qué lastima.
Cindylu,
You’ve been trying to get your dirty paws on that shirt forever. Well, if you really do come down and visit, it’s all yours.
HP,
Maybe we should branch out from pho. Your comments look great when it says “HP from Mexico.”
Steven,
Not gerontophobic, but there is something to be said for the fact that people of any age and any sexual orientation should be able to discuss their sexuality openly. I think the reason that they often don’t is because they feel like it’ll gross out society. So many end up discussing the sex lives of Paris Hilton and whoever else because they can’t openly talk about their own.
Leah,
You’re just trying to get me to write an introductory email huh? Well, no ma’am, I’ve seen your husband and I wouldn’t stand a chance.
Chris (and Steven),
It’s great to see that Canadian camaraderie transcends borders.
Ces,
Without being inflammatory, I would like to humbly suggest that David Sedaris was the most overrated writer of the 1990’s.
Cad,
When you write, “I was hit by a girl once,” is that an innuendo?
Diva,
Yes, still very much Oz and yes, the newfound attention is taking some getting used to. When I was moving in I literally had three different neighbors offer to help me out. I also get a lot of encouragement on my morning runs. Is this what it’s like for a girl in Pacific Beach?
Moreno,
Here’s where I see a problem for me specifically. Guys talk about sex. Homo. Hetero. Bi. It doesn’t matter. Guys discuss sex. If I’m in a conversation with you or HP & sex comes up, I would now tend to think that I should absolutely self censor for risk of offending either of you. Even doing so wouldn’t likely stop the conversation whether or not I wanted to hear about hetero sex. Personally, I donh ‘t prefer to discuss my sex life to such a detail regardless. However, from now forward … knowing how much discussion of homo sex might discuss either of you, I know that I’ll have to self censor when I’m around either of you. And this, my friend, is .. I hate to admit .. dissapointing in the sense that if an individual as generally liberal as yourself still gets that disgusted …
… then no hetero will ever be able to stand hearing anything about gay sex in any conversation. It’s one thing to know that I WOULDN’T discuss something … it’s much more disturbing knowing that I really CAN’T.
btw .. i typoed up above .. there at the end … I meant .. “knowing how much a discussion of homo sex might disgust either of you”
Thank you Myke - someone gets my point! See, you shouldn’t have to censor yourself like that.
So what I’m basically asking … the whole point of this entire post … is that you don’t. Because if you do, then nothing will ever change.
Well, isn’t that going to be the case? If you are nastied out by such things and HP is and whoever is … won’t any gay guy (even a more moderate one such as myself especially) automatically self censor?? I value you as a friend for sure but having read this post, I know now that I’d take the self censoring route around you.
No way. People change. Especially when they want to.
We’re all guilty of self-censoring. I certainly use different language around my grandparents than I do with my friends. But I used to be much more self-censoring, always afraid that I would upset or offend someone. Now I’m not nearly as much.
The question is how much do you want to be you and force others to accept that person or how much do you want to pretend your someone else to please others.
I hope it’s much more the former and much less the latter.
I wish you’d start censoring your language around me. I’m starting to feel dirty by association.
I like where this conversation has lead. “How much do you want to be you?” There is a heavy amount of “YOU” in expression, personal or shared. I think I lost a bit of my soul when I stopped writing my blog– letting others hear my voice, my side of the story, sharing something different…
But not expressing myself doesn’t make me feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. If anything, it makes me feel safe, and secure that I reserve the right to be who I am.
I don’t care who knows it. I am an open David Sedaris devotee. In fact, I’m going to see him on Monday.
“The question is how much do you want to be you and force others to accept that person or how much do you want to pretend your someone else to please others.”
I see your point, AND I agree with the thought of being ourselves, yes. But, I do not think that we have to force people to like us, why? We have to learn to be tolerant, understand that we are not all the same. We come from different places, we were raised under very different dogmas, members of different cultures.
I know many people do not like me, and I do not like everyone. That’s a fact, BUT as an extreme example…if I “have to” I will manage to learn to stay in the same room with that person.
The only time I sense I could react in a negative way against homosexuals is if the guy is after my man! Oh yes, that will be trouble for sure
Well, I must thank Cad for giving me the heads up about this one. Today we met for the first time and as always is the case with bloggers we were talking about the blogs we read as if you all were people we know from real life, and don’t ask me how but the “salty semen” issue came up… And not that I don’t read your blog, but if the post’s title doesn’t have my name in bold letters I tend to skip it… But seriously, such sympathy towards homophobia scares me. I think we need to question your readership, I really thought they were more progressive than that. They should be adding your email address to lists of gay spam, not saying how much they relate to your experience… I still like you though, and will try my best to talk more about my sexual likes and dislikes in order to ease you into my “lifestyle”.