Overheard in New York (I’m pretty sure me, Freddie, and Rajeev were the owners of the second one):

Guy: …Newborn babies are pretty small, yo.
Girl: Not small enough to fit in your pocket!
Guy: What if you were wearing cargo pants?

–A train

Guy #1: Shouldn’t you guys be out looking for jobs instead of practicing four part harmonies?
Songbo: Shouldn’t you be sucking his dick?
Guy #2: He does have a point.

–R train

Woman #1: Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Amy Fisher?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Well, you do. I mean what she did was wrong and all, but she was a beautiful woman, so are you.

–6 train

Woman #1: I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That’d be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don’t really like children. I mean, I’d be willing to kill them, but I wouldn’t really want to deliver them…

–Nevada Smith’s, 3rd Avenue

Man: Ay, Mami, looking good today…
Woman: Can’t you see I am with my son?
Little boy: You’re his mommy too?

–14th & 3rd

Girl #1: Wow. Akiva Goldsmith’s really made something for himself…for a Jew.
Girl #2: God you’re a racist.
Girl #1: What makes me a racist? I’m part Jewish.
Girl #2: An hour ago you asked me why all Asians look the same.

–Loews Lincoln Square, West 68th Street

Conductor: The man in the yellow hat, please get off the train. We
don’t take passengers at Fordham.
Woman: Isn’t that Curious George’s owner?

–Metro-North

Girl: How do you like NYU so far?
Guy: I like it a lot.
Girl: So, are you at least bi-curious yet?

–8th & Broadway

Guy: Hey, I haven’t seen you in, like, two years.
Girl #1: Yeah, not since that time we made out at Cristina’s party…then you went to Paris.
Guy: …I’m gay now.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: NYU boys should really come with warning labels.

–Waverly Building elevator, Waverly Place

Girl: Why don’t you just make a list of things I need to change about myself so I can be more like you?
Guy: Okay, let’s start with your tooth brushing. How about rinsing off the toothbrush before you put it back into the cabinet so there is not old toothpaste and spit dripping off of it? And how about rinsing after you brush?
Girl: Anything else?
Guy: No, I think that’s the only thing you need to change about yourself.

–88th & Amsterdam

Girl #1: You should see this guy. He’s like the reincarnation of Gerard Way.
Girl #2: Gerard Way’s not dead.
Girl #1: He’s emo. He’s dead inside.

–E train

God Squad lady: Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!
Girl: Well, is he going to be getting off the S train? ‘Cause I’ll just meet him there.

–Port Authority

Hobo #1: Penny for the homeless?
Hobo #2: You’ve got to be universal, you can’t just ask the pretty women.

–14th & Broadway

Girl #1: …but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time…
Girl #2: Yeah, i’m kinda bummed…
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!

–Columbia University

more at Overheard in New York