Posted 5 years, 11 months ago mid-afternoon by oso
Mushaboom, mushaboom.
I’m always amused by the response when new friends find out that I go to the gym nearly every day. Part of the surprise is understandable: oso does not look like he goes to the gym every day. But the other reaction, then faintest hint of a grin, makes me feel like I’m caught with my hand in the cookie jar. It’s as if they’re saying (while sticking their index finger in my chest) “hahhah! I knew it, proof of your vanity.”
As if 1.) the only reason people go to the gym is out of vanity and 2.) a person exists in this funny game who is not vain.
Let me explain my version of evolution: the point is to procreate, one procreates by humping like bunnies, to attract bunnies to hump you must be “attractive.” Unless you’re a girl, then you just need to be at a bar in Pacific Beach at 1:30 a.m.
Ie. every god damned person in this world cares what they look like. It’s amazing to me the lengths that people go to pretending that this is not the case.
Now, with that said, I go to the gym for three reasons. First, because I want to be a nice looking bunny. Second, because I feel damn good after going to the gym. There are – I hear – nuerochemical drugs that get released (for free!) when you exercise and have sex. And to think that people abstain from both. Third, what most people call vanity (I mean, noting how your body changes as you exercise over time), is for me, an artistic process – one of the few I can partake in. Your body is your clay, your Italian marble and you, the sculptor. Your tools are many: your diet, the weight room, the swimming pool, the bicycle, and thousands more. Your objective – one that seems to have been forgotten by so many contemporary artists – is pure aesthetic beauty.
I am a great admirer of this beauty – created by both men and women. I’m not talking about greased-up, over-developed rippling muscles on steroids. No, I mean a well-proportioned physique, which fills you with an appreciation of nature’s ingeniousness as well as the hard work of the sculptor who has managed to bring out the potential.
Unfortunately, I recently haven’t been going to the gym nearly as much as I’d like. My nights have been unsavorily busy. However, just about every other day Dave and I meet at the pool around noon and push each other to swim more than we want to. He smoothly glides while I flailingly flop from one end of the pool to the other about 40 times. Don’t tell him this, but it’s not the swimming I come for; it’s our congratulatory smoothie sipping afterwards.
Two 16 ounce Protein Berry Pizzaz’s from the sweetly smiling girls at Jamba Juice. If we weren’t so tired, we would shower these girls with complements. We carry our replenishing nectar to the sun soaked stoop and we admire the physiology of passerby. Call it artistic appreciation or call it sexual predation, but whatever it is, I am consumed with wonder by the variety of what a few dozen chromosomes can come up with. It’s not just the phenotype that overwhelms me with its mystery … I’m also amazed by how people accentuate it: their posture, the way they walk, the clothes they wear and the clothes they don’t wear.
Unfortunately, the latter seems to be a practice of incoming freshman who – I despondently realize – are now about a decade younger than Dave and I. As this uncomfortable thought takes root, a short Vietnamese man blocks my pristine view, asking us to sign petitions in order to get new initiatives on the ballot. He is a clever man, capitalizing on the typical college guilt of having so many opinions and doing so little about them. So, paid by those who would benefit if the laws were passed, he gets his commission to go around and collect signatures for this, that, and the other. I proudly (and honestly) claim ingnorance about everything he shoves into my hands, but Dave decides to sign a petition which would make a ballot initiative asking that convicted sex-offenders be forced to wear GPS devices to make them trackable at all times.
Noting my skeptical eyebrows, he calls me an anti-technologist. I chuckle and point out that we’ve been sitting on the stoop for the last half hour staring at girls who are 10 years younger than us: “Homie, we’re probably the first ones that they’ll put the GPS devices on.
Mushaboom, mushaboom.
Well, I’m off to the big apple where I’ll hopefully be offline as much as possible. I leave you all with three songs by The National (introduced to me by my soon-to-be New York partner in crime, Revaz). They are meant to be listened to while slicing through the silent midnight fog, stained yellow by lonely street lamps. They are meant to remind you of the beauty still yet to come.
As a constant confrencer, do you find it hard to...
Using
“Great entry” she says, as she takes the last bite of her reeces peanut butter cup!
I need to start going to the gym. Wanna hear a funny store? HA! of course you do! My amiga, she entered one of those “Get a free membership at Bally’s” contests and she’s been whining since January 1st that if she had the money she’d be soooo thin and gorgeous, b/c she’d got to the gym everyday. Well. . homegirl won the FREE MEMBERSHIP! She’s already missed a couple of her “appointments” with her trainer. . .because she’s so busy. . .LOL.
Be careful what you wish for!
Dude, those Jamba Juices have like a gazillion calories! Y no te preocupes, aunque estuvieras gordito, esas pecas tuyas son muy atractivas!
Using
I must admit I had exactly those two thoughts when you told me you went to the gym (thought the first far outweighed the second — clearly I hadn’t read your blog enough yet)…but didn’t I play it off well?
But, can´t perfect proportion be achieved without going to the gym and abstaining from cocktails? Please say yes.
Have fun in the NYC with Mr. Freakfingers. Te echaré de menos y no sabes cuánto.
Using
1:30am at PB? Darn, no wonder! I always left too early…
Using
1:30am at PB? Darn, no wonder! I always left too early…
Have fun in NY. I was going to take a quick shopping trip to NYC this weekend but friends dropping in at the last minute changed the plans…
Using
hey, i live in nyc… what a small world.
Using
I’ve been wanting to write something about vanity depreciation for a long time now. I think you expressed a lot of my own thoughts. I like your stream of consciousness in this enty. Pulls me in. Gracias.
Using
OSO!!
Since I live in NYC and actively read your blog, would love to meet up with you and pick your brain over a drink or two…if you got the time!!
Divafina
Using
I read this last night and it made me feel so badly because I haven’t been to the gym in 2 weeks. I dreamed about going to the gym last night and when I woke up, I jumped into my gym gear and was on my way. It was a rough workout after having missed 2 weeks but it was worth it. Thanks for making me feel guilty and getting me back into the groove!
Using
fine, I’ll start running again!!! there, you happy…you made me feel guilty…thanks a lot friend!! I kid, I kid. I totally agree with your post. It’s also enjoyable looking at my recently arrived SI swimsuit edition…
Using
Hmm, I don’t know if I fall for the “because evolution made me” argument. If that were the case, I’d be popping babies out left and right since I was 12 or so, and waiting for the next caveman to bat me over the head and drag me to his cave to be ravaged. Not to say going to the gym is nearly as bad as all that, but most things evolution designed us for aren’t really suited to our lives these days. Evolution didn’t evolve quickly enough.
I think about this everyday as I sit freezing at work while the guys prance around in shorts. Evolution designed my body to keep my baby warm but not necessarily me. So apart from the 9-18 months in my life where that might come in handy, I spend everyday wearing three layers and drinking cups of hot water to keep warm at work.
I admit however, we do all want to look good, no denying that, the question is really how much time a day are you willing to devote to that particular pursuit? If you take away the time spent at the gym that’s necessary to be healthy, how comfortable are you with spending the rest of that time on looking good. If a girl spent that much time daily on her hair, face and nails, would you consider her shallow or vain?
That said… Man, I really need to work out more!
Using
all of you do the best you can in school and have some safe fun along the way., i look white and looks never can tell you that my mothers maiden mane was moreno, so please always treat everyone different ,as your brother or sister and we will have a better world
Using
I thought you had a bunny?
Using
Wow, I come back from a week of nothing but drinking and eating in New York City and I feel like a Catholic priest inflicting guilt on the net. I guess my main point was 1.) I enjoy going to the gym and 2.) everyone cares what they look like.
cad,
The worst month for any typical gym-goer is January when the rest of the world momentarily convinces itself that it wants to be healthy too. Luckily, they’re gone by February. As far smoothies go, after 1600 meters of swimming, there’s nothing my body wants more than a gazillion calories.
Yeni,
Wow, you really played that off well. I didn’t pick up on your reaction at all, especially when you called me a massive hunk of rippling muscle.
Luna,
6 p.m. to 1:29 doesn’t treat girls so bad in PB either. That is, unless you’re not looking for a meat-head midwesterner wanting to be a surfer.
Patri,
I can’t wait to read your defense of auto-aesthetics.
Cindylu,
More reason to travel to rural Guanajuato.
Jose,
I’m sorry that we didn’t get to meet. Your city is full of too many amazing people.
Kelly,
I’m happy to hear that you’re back in the gym, so long as it’s something you enjoy doing. I guess that’s the whole point of it, that it makes you feel good. Exercise, like life, should be guilt-free.
Gustavo,
We should do a half marathon in L.A. together one day.
Shimonkey,
Good point, but it seems to me that someone is reinforcing stereotypes here. My gym is always filled with more women than men (yet more inspiration to go!). Not only that, but – as someone who’s spent most of his adult life living with other men – I can tell you that guys spend just as much time in front of the mirror with their hair product and after shave as girls do with their make up and blow dryer. So to say that a woman’s vanity is expressed in the bathroom and a guy’s in the gym seems less honest to me than just saying that we’re all damned vain bastards.
Dr. Lowery,
Watta ya know, I look white too. Further proof that, in the end, we all have more similarities than differences. For future reference, we’re all on a first name and nickname basis ’round these parts. Then again, I suppose Doc Lowery could be your nickname. That would be pretty phat.
Al,
Long story man.
Using
Woah, I never said that… “a woman’s vanity is expressed in the bathroom and a guy’s in the gym”?? I was just pointing out the similarity of the extra (as in not necessary for basic healthiness) time in the gym to extra time spent prettying ones’ self up in a mirror, male or female.
But now that I know, I really want to see how long you take playing with your hair product and jhujhing your hair into that cute little faux-hawk.
Using
What are blogs good for if not long stories…
Using
all of you are great being honest, with all going on i dare say were all cousins, and when you see the world news its not pretty. from your comments i see that you will leave a better world than my generation has do so far. i can only say for all you to study hard, and have only safe fun. as for your friends at school some will be life long friends, so cousins enjoy the journey
Using
hello to everyone. wish everyone happy easter. request we all stick together in the comming months.
Using
hello to everyone wish all a happy easter
Using
deborah: no problem just stop thing of it. will not interfer with your life
Using
gosh are you kids living in an exciting time , so much is going on just keep your sights on the light at the end of the tunnel. get your education first…those going to gym must excerise and eat right, as someone said . want to thank all of you for your honesty, as a moreno i wish you the best. remember you must have safe fun along the way.
Using
hello everyone hope summer is treating you well. i am leaving for joplin mo., bella vista ar., tulsa ok., and williamsberg va. to see all my moreno aunts and cousins. also all of you looking at going to gym, please google russian kettlebells and check this out. and for those who drink, please no drinking and driving, please. wish everyone a safe fun summer, summer starts in san diego july 4th. that the end of june gloom. take care cousins.