Posted 3 years, 9 months ago in the wee hours by oso
There is a scene in Milan Kundera’s Farewell Waltz that keeps replaying in my head these past couple of weeks. I’ll save you the details, but esentially, the protagonist - after a lifetime of politics - comes to the conclusion that beauty is eternal while politics is forever in flux. In classic Kundera form, he writes simply and stunningly about how beauty will always be beautiful, but politics will always be struggle.
I’m not trying to say that I’ve been spending more time staring at ass than reading the newspaper … but the aspect of the scene that really sticks out in my head is the momentous weight cast from the protagonist’s shoulders, the relief, upon his realization that there is more to life than just politics, than just the struggle.
Another book that has been on my mind is The Kiss of the Spider Woman by Manuel Puig. The novel takes place in an Argentinian jail cell between a very political revolutionary and a seemingly apolitical gay aesthete. Puig does an excellent job conveying the difference between "being political" and actually making change and reminds us that sometimes those who we least expect are responsible for the most important outcomes.
So yes, I’ll admit it, I’m sick of politics. Straight up. Sick of the struggle. And I know I’m not the only one feeling it. Moreno’s right, this blog has suddenly taken an extreme turn to the extremely political. Liza has had to address similar inquiries over at Culture Kitchen.
I’ve been spending all this time reading about the abortion issue and now the gay marriage issue. Reading articles. Academic PDF’s. Book reviews and abstracts. I’ve been consumed by what started as a well-intentioned aspiration to understand the conservative perspective, turned to compulsive addiction to understand every facet of every issue. To be the "authoritative voice," which articulates every nuiance of every argument and sheds light on a world misinformed.
But tonight I’m overcome by something all together different. Here in this lonely cafe, on this lonely night, in front of this lonely gas fireplace. With the counter girls hurrying to see their boyfriend, clinking and clanking ceramic dishes in anticipation, American Analog Set blaring lounder than it should. I’m overcome by one feeling and one feeling only.
I don’t want to be part of this struggle. Not tonight. I’m tired. Do you know where I want to be? In the arms of the most beautiful girl in the entire world who just happens to be my girlfriend. I want to sit here, my hands cupped around my half empty cup of joe, and I want to feel, to absorb, to soak up the pain and the yearning. The yearning to be with someone so beautiful, so perceptive, so intelligent. Someone who probably knows me better than I know myself. Someone who is willing to tell me what I am not willing to admit to myself.
I think of laying in bed with her. I think of us drinking red wine together, straight from the bottle. I think of me trying to read my books in bed and her nudging me, wanting to talk, scratching my head as incentive. And when I think of it, sadly, selfishly, Roe V. Wade doesn’t really seem so important. Kill the babies, let ‘em live, whatever, just let me sleep in with my girl. Gay marriage? Let ‘em marry, don’t let ‘em marry, let them all move to Spain or Denmark where they can … it’s so much more beautiful over there anyway. Economics? Shop at Wal-Mart, shop at the Co-Op, just leave me alone. Me and my girl are gonna cook Chile Rellenos … and they may not even be organic Chiles.
This is temporary. One day I’ll probably look back at this post with a sense of disappointment. These are real issues. Myke just gave a very good reason exactly why gays would be able to marry. But I … today … right now … pendsando en mi amor … can’t seem to get myself to care.
Give me a couple days and I’ll probably be just as passionate as I was on November 5th. I’ll put HP in his place and leave him stuttering conservative sound bytes.
I have stopped updating my Reality Fuel list because frankly I’ve lost track of what books I have been reading. There was a flurry there after Laura went back to Mexico that it felt like I was reading a book every three days. During that time I read Henry Miller’s The Time of the Assasins which is his personal study of Rimbaud’s life and work. It’s the second book I’ve read on Rimbaud (the other was Life is Elsewhere) and finally I was motivated to read Rimbaud himself - starting with A Season in Hell and then moving on to Illuminations. But I felt like I would have been at a total loss were it not for Henry Miller’s direction and perspective on Rimbaud’s entire life and life’s work.
A theme that Miller kept touching on and which I didn’t really understand until more than a month after reading the book is “transcending individualism.” He argues over and over again that the true spiritual goal of humanity is to transcend individualism and embrace that which is communal. Sounds like a commie sociology professor speaking right? Not quite.
The course of my entire life has been based on individual accomplishment. It’s what’s always kept me going. It’s what kept Rimbaud going. Like Rimbaud, I too wanted total knowledge and total understanding of the universe. I too want to explore. To climb the highest peaks. To seek the greatest individual enlightenment.
It wasn’t until this year - until just a few weeks ago really - that I realized developing as an individual is only half the game. Developing our relationships with others is just as important.
I see this all the time - intelligent individuals who have worked so hard to perfect their own brains, their own bodies, their own bank accounts and yet they end up hating the rest of humanity because they never learned how to relate to others. I never before realized that I was doing the same thing though. That my priorities always focused on developing as an individual before developing my friendships and relationships.
Rimbaud never learned his lesson and despite his unmatched talents and ambition, he died an unhappy man.
I hope I have learned my lesson.
Here is a story of how two sides in one of the bloodiest and most senseless wars in history came together for one night to exchange tobacco, food rations, and to sing songs together.
Welcome to the human race baby
Enjoy yourself and stuff your stomach silly on Thanksgiving Day.
You have a beautiful lady there, my friend. No denying that. She is quite radiant.
I was just about to put the arguments down, to stop the intense blogging on my website, to run down the hall and hug my liberal workmate, you had me going, but than I read, Chile Relleno, WTF?!?!?!
That is the worse of Mexican food. Come on bro, you could have used several other examples, things like, pollo con Mole(sp?), posole, menudo, shoot you could have even even thrown in tamales. But Chile Relleno? That stuff is nasty!!!
Than, at that point, I realized that there really can be no agreement between the liberal side and the conservative side. The differences are too fundamental.
So I decided to keep the fight going!!!
(
JK bro, great post, your girl is beautiful )
Oso, if politics is struggle, then what you’re going through needs no explanation whatsoever. You’re human, and humans can only struggle so much before they need to rest; give your mind a well-deserved time out.
finally back to the basics: mundane insight into a life that isnt ours, that we can enjoy safely from a distance. politics we can get anywhere, but where else can we see you exploiting your girlfriend?
Oso, You Rock Man… You Really Do!
I just read this piece on your blog, and I feel you. Man, I dont just feel you, I feel it! In the last week I have had these dreams, deep colorful dreams, filled with wonderful memories of the life…
i really appreciate this blog. i guess because i can get more viewpoints and intelligent opinions on current events, but also because you’re human and i can relate to you. we all need a break from work, politics, school, other people, whatever. oh yeah, and HP must have not had good chile rellenos, because i love them.
Oso, I’m in exactly the same mental space. I have been meaning to jump into the debates here on the site, but have just been overwhelmed. Everything takes time and energy. I’m quite low on both.
Heh heh. Seems that I stopped short at Chile Relleno as well…but just for an instant. Yes I know how you feel about the tiresome political blogging ALL over the place. I’ve tried to take my mind off it by focusing on design…learning some new CSS and boring stuff like that;-) Anyhoo, I always wanted to say that I love your site design, and the wallpaper effect makes it very unique. Happy Thanksgiving and all that…
Ayer por la mañana, la television se encendio como todos los dias para despertarme, abro los ojos y lo primero que veo son dos hombres quemandose vivos. Esto ocurrio en la ciudad de mexico, tres policias en cubierta fueron golpeados y quemados vivos por la comunidad de ese lugar, pues pensaban que eran los delincuentes que hace tres dias habian raptado dos niñas. No podia creerlo, lo mas crudo era ver que los periodistas trataban de entrevistar a los pobres hombres ensangrentados y llenos de panico en sus caras, sin embargo no hacian nada por ayudarlos, al contrario grabaron toda la escena de estos pobres hombres quemandose vivos. Solo pense: “este pinche mundo es una mierda” pero cada cara tiene sus propias respuestas: la gente de la comunidad esta cansada de las injusticias, de la falta de seguridad; los policias por su parte, solo “hacian su trabajo”. Quien tiene la razon? vives y vives juzgando a los demas, a la sociedad, a los gobernantes, al sistema de justicia, decimos, hablamos, opinamos y cuando vez a tu alrededor a tu propio pequeño mundo, despues de que aventamos una filosofia de etica, tu mundo esta hecho un desmadre. La mayoria de las veces es mas facil perderse en el mundo y sus cagadas, en lugar de ver mas alla de lo que los “demas” ven, pero la finalidad de esto, es el cerrar los ojos hacia tu interior, como puedes ayudar a la vida, al mundo, a mejorar, si tu porpio ser vive una constante revolucion de ideas? ahi es donde esta el secreto para mi, habla contigo mismo, piensa por ti mismo, analiza lo que te causa conflicto a TI como individuo, y te daras cuenta de que la etica comienza con la accion en ti, no con el verbo hacia los demas. Esto me ha costado mucho entenderlo, pero me ha hecho abrir los ojos y sensibilizarme a lo que tiene un valor primordial y a lo que, cuando mueras, sera lo unico que te quedara: tus vivencias, tus amores, tu paz interior.
TE AMO y gracias por todo, por las fotos, dicen que recordar es vivir!
family and friends are the most important things in life to me, and developing oneself lends to that relationship. doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive, but a fine balance.
I Second That Emotion
I haven’t blogged in weeks ~ and while I wish I had the energy to even blog about my lack of blogging (as in I wish I had some funny, exciting story to share as an excuse for my blog-absence),
Thanks for the luv y’all. Susannity, I think you’re right, developing your relationships, probably is developing as a person and vise-versa … for some reason though, the distinction made sense in my head.
Moreno, when will you start exploiting your girlfriend for us?
That sure is a handsome woman you’ve got there young feller.
I know what you mean about getting sick of politics… Sick of the fight… We all deserve a break, perhaps, but we owe it to ourselves and the world to get back it again before too long.
[...] 14th, 2004 We Are All Cremated Equal By oso @ 1:09 am In my pre-Thanksgiving post, I wrote about my new-found desire to transcend individualis [...]