On the eve of Oso’s introduction of our conservative guest blogger, I’d like to put forth a modest proposal.

We were all disappointed by the results of the election. Devastated. Crushed. Divorced. But the truth is, we lost. Whether or not it was a fair loss remains moot since Kerry conceded so quickly and readily. In the wake of that tragedy, we were all shellshocked. What could have possibly gone wrong? What the hell are we going to do? How are we going to change the world? Oso realized the solution of pure pursuasion: if every one of us convinced one Republican to come to our side, imagine the results. He has already taken action by arranging for a conservative blogger to argue his side here on this blog. But I ask you, will this really change the world, or will it simply serve as verbal masturbation? Can discussion truly deliver us from this quagmire that America has become?

The problem herein lies that those red states simply can not be convinced by way of reason since their education falls so low. How can you enlighten someone to the facts when they don’t understand what “re-districting” is, or the fact that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. The sad truth we all realize is that the majority of Americans are just too stupid…too stupid and fat. Which brings me to my point.

Sure its nice to think about the change that would come if we each converted a Republican, but thgere is a solution far more realistic. Instead, just think about the possibilty of change if each of us ate a Republican. Just think of it! Their fat corn-fed guts would make excellent holiday dinners, whether youre Christian, Jewish, or just plain Christian. And as if the meal itself wasn’t enough, you’d significantly decrease their voting power. If you thought voting in Ohio was hard, try pulling the levers from the far depths of my large intestine. There is a population dying to eat, and a population dying to be eaten. You simply can’t justify your existence after voting for Bush, they’ve brought it down upon themselves.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, “wouldn’t the smell of Roasted Republican stink up the house?” Of course, silly. Ever heard of a Bar-B-Q? Be creative! Try an RNC delegate glazed with a Pro-Lifer’s pancreatic juices. Or a logging company CEO diced over green peppers and trailer trash.
Now I know what the rest of you are thinking, “what about non-violent resolution?” Please. Gandhi tried that and look what happened to India. Soon the largest country with the highest poverty rate and a powerful Nationalist party armed with Nuclear weapons! Instead of evoking sissy wussies like Gandhi or MLK, why not focus on real fighters like everyone’s favorite Che Guevara. What were the ramificatios of Che’s efforts? A nation still refusing to give in to the west and forfeit its identity, leftist extremists providing formidable foes to frustrated puppet regimes of the US in Central and South America, and a great photo for T-shirts and posters. Seriously how great is that picture. Have you even seen pictures of Gandhi? You can’t put that up on your dorm-room wall, that’ll never get you laid.

Oso said it himself, Che was an idealist. I think there are very few people who would disagree. And how did he change the world? Thru action, not dialogue. He was an idealist with blood on his hands. We should follow suit but in this post-9/11 world we must take it a step further. Get blood on your hands, then wipe it on your napkin as you take another bite of that Kentucky man’s ribs. The good you’re doing for the country will only make it sweeter. Viva La Revolucion!!