My email box is overflowing with letters from readers thirsty for more of my hilarious/lifechanging posts….ok so no one has actually written me, and oso’s webpage counter actually shows a serious decrease in the number of visitors after my addition to the blog, but still. the point is, i think you want to hear more from me. Whether its me talking about my drive to work (traffic really wasn’t that bad today, I think the construction on the 60 might be beneficial in the long run even if it means slight inconveniences now…) or me talking about my breakfast (you know we’ve had these breakfast bowls for a really long time, my first memory of eating out of one of these bowls was when I was six….), either way I imagine you’re all dying to hear details of mi vida morena.

That being said I am also familiar with the adage of leaving the audience wanting more…even if youre audience is made up of college drop-outs, fired lifeguards, unemployed perverts, the FBI, locksmiths, and she-males. My point is this: I have nothing to say today. That being said, enjoy the following I found on the web. It’s an excerpt I found from a speech given by a prominent liberal sometime last year. It rings more true today than it did in his time (last year). For those of you who can guess the identity of this left-leaning hero, please leave your comments with your guesses. The winner will win nothing. Not even my admiration. buena suerte!

• In order to be a liberal you have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding
• You have to believe that the same public school teacher who can’t teach a fourth grader how to read is qualified to teach him about sex
• You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and that doctors are overpaid
• You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Chinese communists
• You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the brilliance of the sun and are more affected by yuppies driving SUV’s
• You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is normal
• You have to believe that businesses create oppression and that governments create prosperity
• You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature but pasty, revisionist activists who have never been outside Seattle do
• You have to believe that self esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it
• You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding
• You have to believe that there was no housing before HUD
• You have to believe the military and not corrupt politicians start wars
• You have to believe the free market that gives us 500 plus channels cannot deliver the quality that PBS does
• You have to believe that without a federal department of energy there would be no gasoline or electricity
• You have to believe that the NRA is bad because they stand up for all of the constitution while the ACLU is good because they stand up for select parts of the Constitution
• You have to believe that taxes are too low and ATM fees are to high
• You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez, and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas A. Edison
• You have to believe that standardized tests are racist but racial quotas and set-asides are not
• You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than anthrax or sarin gas
• You have to believe that Rosie O’Donnell is brilliant
• You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere its been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge yet